Don’t Scare Me Like That

A few weeks ago I had to take Lincoln to see his pediatrician for his 4 month check up. The visit was going just fine until the doctor started to look at Lincoln’s eyes. All of a sudden, it was no longer a routine visit. He asked me if his eyes always shifted from side to side when he tried to focus on things. I said yes. He looked concerned. I told him that I thought all babies did that. He said they do when they’re younger, but he shouldn’t still be doing that at 4 months. Then the words no mother wants to hear. I need you to take him to a pediatric neurologist. My heart sank. I just couldn’t imagine taking him to a specialist and hearing that something was wrong with my baby. Not that it would ever be good timing, but especially after what we’ve been going through with Mike. One sick family member is more than enough.

I found out that a gentleman who attends our church is actually a pediatric neurologist, so I set up an appointment with him. I was so nervous that day. I had visions of Lincoln being totally uncooperative. I could just see him lying there with a blank stare instead of acting alert and spunky like he does at home. Thankfully, he cooperated. He was wiggling around on the table. He smiled, cooed & giggled at the doctor. He was doing his best to try to reach out & grab the doctor’s orange tie. At the end of the visit, he said he was not too concerned with his eyes, but he was concerned with the soft spots on his head. Great! Basically, his soft spots felt very small and he was concerned that they may already be fused together. If that was the case, he would have to have a procedure done to loosen them so his brain would have room to grow. The only way to tell for sure would be to get a CT Scan. 

So off to Arnold Palmer we went. Standing by my baby’s side as they strapped him down to a table and put him inside that huge machine is not something I ever envisioned having to do. Lincoln did great though and the whole ordeal was much less traumatic than I had imagined. 

Next came the hard part. Waiting on the results. Those 48 hours felt like weeks. Finally I got a call from one of the nurses at the neurologist’s office. Everything looks great. The CT scan came back normal. I felt like I could finally breathe again. I immediately said a prayer and thanked God for the good news. Then I looked at Lincoln and said Don’t scare me like that!

I thought I had so much to be nervous and scared of being pregnant. Having my baby on the outside isn’t much better. Seeing all those sick kids at Arnold Palmer made me realize that there are no guarantees in life. Even babies and little kids get sick sometimes, whether that seems fair or not. I know this will sound cliche, but every day that I have my baby boy with me and he’s healthy is a gift. And I’m so very thankful for each & every moment I get to spend with him.

And of course Lincoln’s eyes have basically stopped doing the weird shifting thing just days after his visit to the specialist. Isn’t that the way it goes? If they would have stopped just a little sooner, I would have been saved lots of worry & money. Oh the joys of parenthood.