Having a baby is one giant life lesson. You start to learn and realize things that you didn’t even know that you didn’t know. It amazes me that every single day of Lincoln’s life I stare at him and think how incredible he is. I can’t go to sleep at night without looking into his bed and thinking, “he is so incredible”. It’s true that there are days that I feel like I should be committed to the loony bin when he seems unable to be pleased and the crying seems unending, but that doesn’t change how I feel about him. In those tense moments, I do feel stressed and frustrated, but at the end of the day, I still love him.
Does my love for him mean that I will never feel hurt or disappointment because of him? Nope. Should I get a call from Lincoln’s teacher one day telling me he was caught cheating on a test, I’m sure I’ll feel so disappointed. If we get into a fight one day when he’s a bratty, hormonal teenager and he declares that I just don’t understand him, I’m sure I’ll feel hurt. But nothing that he ever does will make me love him less.
When I try to describe to other people who don’t have children yet what this feels like, I just can’t. I can try, but you can’t put something this amazing into mere words. The moment that I held him, my whole life was turned upside down. The way that I think about life and love changed. When I realize how intensely I love and care for Lincoln, it gives me just a small glimpse at God’s love for me. I say a small glimpse because I’m only human. God’s love is incredible because he is love. Without God, love would not exist. So I know that all the love I’m capable of giving is just a tiny portion of the way God feels about me.
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
I remember before Lincoln was born, Stephanie described how she loved Parker and Graham like this. She said that there was absolutely nothing they could ever do to make her stop loving them or love them less. Everyone else in her life could hurt her to a point that she would eventually feel less love for them, but not her sons.
I think that family is an example of God’s love. The Bible tells us that God is our Heavenly Father. There’s nothing we can do to separate us from his love. Even though we’ve turned our backs on him at times, even though we disappoint him often, his love never changes.
I’m so thankful that God chose to give me an amazing little boy to make my life more blessed, my heart more full and to give me just a taste of how much he truly loves me.